The blues...

Here I am, writing my first blog. I never thought I would be one to write blogs, but then I realized that at a time like this, writting blogs may be one of the few things that can keep me going. I've always been a fan of writing. Whether it's study guides for school (not so fun), things-to-do lists, a silly love note or any other thing, give me a writing tool and paper and I'll be set.

Sometimes, it's nice to simply write it down and make it plain.

I sit here on a Friday night, wondering whether I should even write this. After all, who really is interested in my life? That doesn't really matter though. There's something therapeutic in writing things down. It organizes all the scatter and fuzz in my brain and brings some light to my somewhat dark day. That's what really matters.

For today, I feel I need to reflect on the last 18 months of my life...

I dated the most wonderful man on this planet. I didn't know how wonderful he was until we called it quits a week ago. I didn't think it would hit me this hard, I suppose I didn't know how much I had fallen for him. Well, he was wonderful. Not only did he manage to make me smile and laugh but he cared. A lot. He would be the man I'd look forward to seeing as I walked through the door, the only man who made sense to me. Some days, my world may have been a big fuzz but then I'd see him - the only crisp, clean image in my day. 18 months of mistakes and poor problem solving/decision making led it to end exactly a week ago. I suppose I saw it coming but like I said, I didn't know it would hit me this hard. We had some wonderful times together and shared some extremely sweet memories. It's upsetting to think of those things and how they are gone, but I've come to believe that everything happens for a reason. It's extremely easy for me to sit and cry and think about how much I miss him. I do. Terribly. But I'm just harming myself doing so and so I write this as my way out. A way to escape all the mess in my mind. I really care about this man and until the day I'm old, I won't say an off thing about him. I'll only tell of how great he was. I've learned a lot through this breakup though. I've learned that you should tell people how you feel before it's too late, be willing to accept being wrong, show people how much you care and make them feel important. If not, it could all go away and then it's just too late and you'll be sat here on a Friday night, just like me, hurt.

I'll be fine though. Like all things, I hope this too shall pass. So, until that day, it's time to study for finals and pack for my 3 day trip to New York City!

I hope you enjoyed my blog. I'm sure it'll get better over time.

Saps